do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
