Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
