I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
