they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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