i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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