its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
