I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
