I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
