Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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