Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize