Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
