I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
