exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Acid is not a monday night drug
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
