I wish I could teleport
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
