I am spending my child support on dildos
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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