just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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