gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
