Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
