dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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