Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize