Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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