New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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