I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
