I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
