Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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