There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
