i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
