Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Boobs are out for the taking
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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