look no pants
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
