I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
