im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He did a backflip because drugs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
