The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
