I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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