Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
