I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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