Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize