Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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