just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
