I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
