shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize