I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
