woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
