When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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