So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize