I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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