I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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