So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
