I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
