Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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