Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
