things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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