Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
