You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
