Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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