mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
