also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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