Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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