please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
