It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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