i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
