ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
