um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Randomize
