After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
