woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What a dumb baby whore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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