after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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