I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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