The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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